7th March - Time to say Ta Ta to the Ta Ta's

Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words, so I guess I don't have to tell you how today went. I went in quietly confident we'd be just having a bit more of the tumour area removed and the lymph glands removed. However, we finally got to have that talk we wanted with my surgeon. We finally had explained what it is we are actually dealing with, and there's only one way to deal with this bastard, and that's chop them off. And FINALLY, it was MY decision. I took control. So, I'll back pedal a bit and explain how we came to the decision to say ta ta to my ta ta's. It appears, that I am just THAT freakin special to have a rare form of lobular (?) breast cancer. This cancer can and will turn up in other areas of the breast. So we could take some more from where it was, and nek minut, it will be somewhere else. Its also VERY aggressive, which is why its already made its way to the lymph glands. So the smartest and safest thing to do is to remove the breast. Now anyone who knows me, knows I'm a worry wart and while we were discussing the already diseased breast, my over worked, over tired and over thinking brain is yelling "What about the other breast" So the ever patient doctor went through all the risks, and I made the decision then and there to ask for a double mastectomy. I know people have said to me from word go, "its only just boobs" and I cant explain properly enough, my initial reaction to protect my girls and try and go a more conservative path, but it hasn't been an easy choice till today, and even then, I lost it again in that consulting room. And I probably would have said the same thing to someone facing these decisions. I am eating those hypothetical words now. Its psychologically a very very difficult process to get to the point to remove my breasts. And to watch my kids reactions, and hear the upset and concern in my family's voices, is tearing me apart. But we will all get there .My family and my friends are a very formidable force en mass. I have one more test to do first thing in the morning. I have had a gland/node swell up over the weekend in my neck. So as a precaution its being biopsied by fine needle tomorrow morning. Wednesday I will go back to work for my last day and surgery is sometime on Thursday. I've been advised not to go back to work till all treatment is finished, so I will be pleased to get a chance to say goodbye to a few patients on Wednesday till later in the year. So where is my silver lining in all this. Well apart from the obvious of removing risks, I wont have to wear a bra for YEARS!!!! (come on ladies, you know how exciting this is) And you D cup and bigger ladies, you all know HOW exciting it will be to wear tops and dresses that don't need those god awful clear plastic bra straps. I am SOOO hitting the op shops as soon as I'm well. Who's coming shopping with me!!!!