Chemo Time - Please protect me and my superhero carers!!!!

The countdown has begun. Wednesday morning at 8.45 I commence my chemo cocktail.. I'd prefer a "Cosmopolitan", or even the old 80's "Fluffy Duck" but my cocktail is called Doxorubicin (dox-oh-roo-bi-sin) and Cyclophosphamide (sye-klo-phos-fah-mide)  Or "AC" for short. 4 doses, 21 days apart, then I'll start a new cocktail.

So here is the short version of what this all means. For the next 6 months, I will be immunocompromised. While chemo is killing the bad guys, unfortunately it will also be killing the good guys. So if you have a cold, and visit, I will end up in hospital with pneumonia. I can't make it plainer than that. I will also be completely reliant on my superhero caring team of family and friends. So that means, if you are sick, and visit them without telling them first about your cold, your vomiting and diarrhoea or your flu, and they get sick, they can't come near me. And I'm stuck.

With flu season on the way, here's what I want you all to do. If you spend anytime closely with any of my close family and friends, stop and think. If you've been sick in the past 48 hours, if someone you work with has had something highly contagious in the last 48 hours and you've been around them, STOP. If they get sick, they cannot support me.

For the first 7 days of my chemo treatment I will be keeping to myself. So please don't visit unless I let you all know that I'm doing okay. If I am sick and vomit, the chemo drugs in me can be present in my vomit. You don't want to be cleaning that up. (We actually have to use gloves and double bag bodily fluids during this period).  This will be a crap week because I will be keeping away from my grandbabies. And for the rest of the time, I have to be very careful of my gorgeous drooling cesspool of germs and bugs, grandbabies. No more sloppy kisses.

After that, the fatigue kicks in big time. I will be tired, my white cell count will be very low and I will be at even greater risk of picking up any and every germ.

But as I don't plan on living in a bubble and complete isolation, I do plan to be out and about when I'm well (except for large crowded groups of people, indoor situations, shops, restaurants anywhere there is no fresh air) Fresh air will be my friend so if you visit, prepare to do it outside.

So here's my list of rules of visiting me as of now, and helping me through this next 6 months of chemo and then 5 weeks of radiation. (thanks to the lovely advice of those who have gone before me)

1. Please check first, preferably text me, or ring Rick's mobile or facebook message me. I haven't worked out how to turn down the volume of the phone in our bedroom so please don't phone. If I'm sick or tired, I probably won't be up to visitors.

2. If you are sick, stay away from me, my family and my support network of friends. No way of being nice about that.

3. Please don't wear perfume or bring flowers. My sense of smell may be off and what used to smell nice, may not smell the same. Same goes with the flowers plus they can harbour bugs and set off allergies that weren't as bad prior to the chemo.

4. WASH YOUR HANDS - when you get here, wash your hands thoroughly. If we all washed our hands more often, half the damned viruses going round would be gone. Shower and put on clean clothes before coming (particularly if you've been shopping. That snotty kid in the queue at the checkout probably left a healthy petri dish of germs on the back of your shirt when they sneezed. And don't get me started on shopping trolley handles. Use sanitiser people!!!). I know, I'm sounding like a complete germaphobic but guess what, I'm going to be turning into a complete germaphobic.

5. Be prepared for short visits unless I'm having a good day.

6. Ask before hugs.... If I'm having a germaphobe moment, please don't be insulted if I don't return a hug. But if I'm having a bad day, I might just need one.

7. If you wanted to bring food, please check first. I love lasagne and those little fruit flans from Pastry Paradise, BUT because of food becoming bland, or a metallic taste from the chemo, things I loved may send me running for the puke bag. So check first. I also may develop mouth sores/ulcers so some things just won't be pleasant.

All this can sound very depressing and clinical. I may not get some of these things, I may get all of these things. My medical oncologist told me that three things are guaranteed. Day 14 my hair will start to thin and by day 21 I will lose most of it. I will be VERY tired, I will experience some level of nausea.

But you know what, I will be doing everything in my power to make sure that my treatments are not delayed due to illness. I will be making sure I eat well, and look after myself. Because while this chemical cocktail is killing my immune system, it will be also killing the very thing trying to kill me, and that's the battle we will win!

Port is in, shopping done, centrelink done... ready for Easter and chemo next week... I think.

It's always lovely, when you are wheeled into the theatre ante room, and a friendly familiar face pops up. One of my nurses was a lady I knew and it was so comforting to have someone familiar with you. There always seems to be so many people that it can become a little overwhelming. There's the anaesthetist, and his boss, the surgical registrar and her boss, the anaesthetic nurse, some other bloke wandering in and out, and then when you get wheeled into theatre a few more nurses. I even had a surprise visit from another nursing friend who popped in from next door's theatre to check on me. Once we'd all joked and gone over all the procedures and joked some more and I was ready to go, I have to admit, that I got very overwhelmed at the last minute and there were tears as I drifted off to sleep. They were so kind and kept saying that I was safe and they would look after me. I think it takes a very special kind of person to work in that field and recognise how vulnerable a patient can feel.

I even found that while it was a shorter surgery this time (I think 30 minutes or so compared with a couple of hours last time) that waking was harder. I'm glad I'm done with surgery for 6 months when they remove the port. I've been a bit sore and stiff in the shoulder, and probably over did it a bit today with 2 doctors appointment, a drop into centrelink and a grocery shop, but I wanted to get as much done as I could before Easter hit. As it was, Hervey Bay is already jumping.

So my first Doctor's visit today was with my Radiation Oncologist. He was lovely, very patient and very thorough. I will have a 3 week break after my chemo finishes and then I will start 21 treatments of radiation therapy to my neck, breast and armpit. Radiation is every day except weekends (yay for that) We had a long talk about my return to work and it looks like that won't be happening this year. Once I've finished radiation my multi discipline team will go over scans etc and then we will decide whether surgery is still necessary. Before that path is taken, we want to speak with Professor Ung in Brisbane, who has been part of the team and made the call for my treatment to be changed to oncology first. 

Then it was off to the boss/gp to check the wound and have a chat. He agrees that this year is a right off for me, and we'll start again next year :) Got to love a good and patient boss.

Centrelink also was a pleasant surprise. It was just a case of drop off the inch thick pile of paperwork and sent me on my way to wait for a letter in a week or so. I had let them know I start chemo next Wednesday so lets hope that if they need to speak to me that it can be via a phone appointment. 

So all tests are done, all things are in place, so I'm going to make the most of this Easter break to spend time with the kids and family, celebrate our Anniversary on Saturday, and before I know it, it will be chemo time. It sounds weird to say this, but I am looking forward to it starting. I know it might be a crap time, but starting this treatment means ending this disease. I'm ready to do that!

21st March - New Date for Port Insertion

Just a quick update... It wouldn't be me without a slight change now would it!!! After our chemotherapy education morning we got a call from Elective Surgery (I do love that term... because I'm electing to have cancer and have this treatment... sigh) anyhoo, there's a spot this Wednesday for me to have the Port inserted before my first chemo treatment on the 30th. Whats great about this is two things. 1. I hate canullas so I dodged that one and 2. The chance of infection having the port in before chemo kills my white cells will be lesser. Oh hang on, I have a cannula for the general anesthetic for the insertion... sigh... bugger. Oh and I had the ECG this afternoon too! Who wants to bet something pops up on that to change the course of action again!! Surely not!!

20th March 2016 - I'm Better When Connected to Nature.

My soul is fed by going back to my roots. It's impossible to explain the peace in my heart when I drive through areas that are few in vehicles and plentiful in trees, crops and stock. After one of my lowest weeks, we decided to grab the opportunity and flee to the mountains. The Bunya mountains holds a special place in Rick's family and his dads birthday would have been yesterday. So we packed Judy in the car and set off. The minute we turn off at Tiaro towards Woolooga my heart immediately feels lighter. It was a mad rush to get over there as I had my initial consultant with my Medical Oncologist, then more blood tests and then sort out for an ECG asap. I'd forgotten I needed that test. Because chemo/radiation has a small risk of messing with your heart, they test it first to (a) make sure its in good nick and (b) have a base line to check back on. Rick reckons I don't have one so I'm all good there lol. Going into the consultation with the oncologist I was so very anxious. I wanted this treatment to start yesterday. The fact that the cancer is now in the glands in my neck was freaking me out. The words rare and aggressive kept cycling round my head and I was back to the old way of thinking, am I going to survive this. Its funny how the bad stuff creeps in and the good stuff gets forgotten. I know its not in the bone or any of the main organs. I'd only just gotten those results. I guess I was a bit stunned to find out the second biopsy results of the neck. I'd completely convinced myself that the swelling / lump in the neck was a combined result of the initial surgery, the cold I had developed and the antibiotics I'd taken for a slight infection in the breast. So when I received appointments (out of sequence) that looked like I wouldn't be starting chemo for about 3 weeks, well lets just say I lost the plot. However, it has all been sorted, I spoke with Dr Mitra my medical oncologist and he has already organised for my first chemo treatment to start on Wednesday 30th March. Rick spoke with him while I was out of the room with one of the chemo nurses, and asked the question if we were to head to Brisbane to try and commence treatment sooner, would it be more beneficial and he explained that it would make no difference. Like my surgeon Dr Van Rooyen, this doctor spoke with considerable confidence, went over everything in detail to ensure we understood, answered all our questions and we left feeling once again, we were in good hands. So here's the outcome. My entire chemo treatment plan will last 6 months. It will be done in two stages ie, one cocktail of drugs will last 4 sessions then they will change drugs. This first session will be 1 treatment every 3 weeks. The first session will last 2 1/2 hours and will be delivered via a cannula. Because they only have the use of my left arm (remember because of node removal in my right breast, they have avoid damage to the veins on that side to avoid causing lymphedema in the arm) I will be having a port inserted into my chest for the duration of the chemo treatments. Basically it's a small disc that sits just under the skin in the chest. One end of the port has a small tube that will take my chemo cocktail and the other end connects to a large vein. This protects my veins from constant cannulation. I'm rather pleased about this. I dislike cannulas. Those buggers bite going in. So Monday will be our Cancer orientation/education appointment with our cancer nurses. They'll go through again the procedure, the side effects (the main being hair loss 3 weeks after the first treatment, and fatigue - the others are possible side effects) we tour the unit and they show us whats what. That will be a bit daunting but naturally I have a morbid curiosity about it. And they will run through my at home care afterwards. April 4th is my date to have the port put in at the Maryborough Hospital. It's all getting a bit real now. I'm constantly being told "You look so well" and probably I am apart from a few faulty bits. But I will admit, I'm starting to get tired more easily these days. I napped most of the way home from the Bunyas. Hopefully its more stress etc combined with a bit of my lymphatic being out of wack. Being given a reprieve from surgery, I'm off for another horsey outing today while my gorgeous girl competes in her first hack day in a lot of years. Better go get breakky and charge the camera to capture Fabio at his finest. Hope she managed to get the ferals dreadlocks out. Love and light to you all xxx

EDITED TO ADD - for those of you who are interested my first regime will be these two chemo drugs - Doxorubicin (A) and Cyclophosphamide (C)

17th March - I'm Not Adulting Today

Today was not a good day. I had a meltdown akin to when I first had the news I had cancer. I misunderstood a phone call from the oncology unit and thought that my treatment wouldnt start for at least two more weeks. Cue panic attack. Thankfully, one of the lovely and kind ladies I was on the phone too recognised my distress and I had a long and patient phone call with one of the ladies there to put my mind at ease. So the upshot is this. Tomorrow I see the medical oncologist. He sorts out my chemo, and will probably start me on chemo next week (if i got that right) then next Thursday I see the radiation oncologist to put me in the queue for that. Either way I have ended the day with a thumping headache, KFC in my belly (why does it smell so much better than it tastes) A block of chocolate within reaching distance.... and we're going to head off to the Bunya Mountains tomorrow for the night to get some much needed peace and quiet. It wasn't all bad today, I had Lilly cuddles, I saw my gorgeous daughter, my mum and my dad and caught up with my cousin and childhood play mate Darren who cracked me up with some of his stories. Tomorrow is another day.

15th March 2016 - Whoops Spoke too soon

Well I always did say that this journey keeps on changin!!! Just got back from my appointment with my surgeon to get the results from my bone scan and ct scan (which I'd already gotten from my gp/boss yesterday) So I assumed that we'd just be confirming and discussing my surgery for this coming Thursday.... WRONG! woops I forgot that my surgeon had done a second biopsy on my neck swelling. Guess what, this one came back positive for cancer cells in the glands. Thank god I got those other results yesterday as I would be sitting in a corner rocking back and forth about now. So the plan has changed. After consultation with a professor in Brisbane, I am being fast tracked to chemo etc urgently and will be reviewed in three months to see how I'm travelling and review the need for a mastectomy then. I'm in a good place about it really. I know its not in my body and organs and bone. I know its currently not in the breast because they got the tumour out, they just weren't happy with a couple of the margins. So the only place the cancer is, is the lymph glands in the armpit and now the neck. So nuking the bejeesus out of the body is actually more comforting to me, than having the surgery and waiting for that to heal and then nuking the body. But guess what, on the weekend I had a cathartic clean out of my wardrobe and got rid of clothes that wouldn't fit after my mastectomy. LOL OOPS.

14th March 2016 - More All Clear Results!!!

Woo freaking hooo. CT scan and bone scans all clear of cancer (apart from the right boob and lymph glands). Okay Donna ... start breathing again. Appointment with surgeon tomorrow to confirm the surgery for this Thursday. Sooo happy.

12th March 2016 - Girls Giggles Champagne and a Hair Cut

So today was the day to cut the hair. While I'm yet to have surgery and chemo started, it was a weekend that most of us was free, we could all enjoy a few drinks, giggles, tears and love. To my beautiful Mandy who did an amazing job cutting my hair, thank you from the bottom of my heart. This was such a hard day as it made everything more real. But you did it with such love xxxxx To the other Pink sisters there, and there in spirit, thank you for holding me up and keeping the giggles flowing. To my beautiful womenfolk family, thank you for being so brave, sharing this moment, for bringing the grandbabies to keep us distracted, and to Kiah for keeping the bubbles flowing for me. To everyone, your love and your bravery keeps me going. I will never be able to say thank you enough xxxx

11th March 2016 - What a week!

Well, I made it through the week. Sense of humour still somewhat in tact. So today we found out the node biopsy from my neck was fine. The lump is somewhat smaller so we're going with just pissed off glands from surgery, a cold, antibiotics and I noticed that the seatbelt cuts right into that spot. So i'm off to supercheap tomorrow to get a sheepy for the seatbelt. Dr hadnt realised the hospital hadn't organised my Bone scan and a CT for chest, abdomen and pelvis and wanted that done for the round table meeting with the breast cancer specialists and oncologists on Monday, so we dashed to radiology and pleaded with the lovely lady there who squeezed me in on the spot to have those done. These tests let everyone know if the cancer has escaped outside of the breast area. She did an amazing job fitting me in, as the bone scan one is time oriented. I had to have an injection of some crap that sticks to the bone and it has to be in there for 2 hours and then the scan itself takes another hour. So I'm terribly sorry to the patients who I no doubt, made wait longer. So this week has been such a rollercoaster, worrying the cancer had gone to the neck, surgery on hold and rescheduled, the good news the biopsy was clear, and surgery back on for next Thursday. So tomorrow its time for fun with some very special ladies. I have a date with a couple of bottles of bubbly and some hairdressing scissors and a new funky short hair style. I've decided to have a transitional hair cut so that when i start chemo, its not such a shock when the hair starts to fall. And I feel the need to do something different and drastic that's of my choice smile emoticon So look out for photos of our girly day. Then I'm off to Bundy on Sunday for a horse expo I had thought I would miss because i'd be post op. Time for a fun weekend!!!!!!

9th March - Stop Start Stop Start - Can I get off this merry go round yet?

Here we go here we go here we... uh oh, no we don't. So I went to my last day of work today, bracing myself for tomorrow. NEK MINUT (the young one's will get that terminology) my mobile rings and it's my lovely surgeon on the phone. Yesterday I had a fine needle biopsy on a lump in my neck that had popped up over the weekend. My surgeon had organised this as a matter of urgency following my visit with him on Monday so he'd have the results before going into surgery tomorrow. Unfortunately he wont get the results till late this afternoon and those results can potentially change the correct course of treatment. There are three reasons that these nodes can be inflamed and enlarged. 1. they are pissed off from the original surgery 2. they are pissed off because I had a cold and I was also on antibiotics for a possible infection in the breast 3. There could be cancer cells in the nodes. If there are cancer cells in the nodes, then the course of treatment has to change to chemo first surgery second. If we do surgery first and by chance I get an infection in the wound, it would delay the start of chemo. My doctor doesnt want to rush and make the wrong decision for me and my treatment. So we will see him on Friday morning, go through the results and plan treatment from there. If the glands are just generally pissed off, then I will be booked in for surgery on the following Thursday (17th) While its a delay, and they can always be frustrating, I agree its the best decision for me. I knew when I found a lump in my neck that one of the causes could be cancer. I went with the idea that it was a combination of the cold and the previous surgery, but I'm not going to lie, I cried the whole way to work this morning worried that the cancer had progressed further. So many questions were going through my head, the main one being, am I going to survive this, if this is how fast this thing is moving. Trying to stay rational only works most of the time, and sometimes the bad stuff creeps into the brain. THIS WAY, I will once again, be informed and be prepared and if as we hope the biopsy is clear, I can go into surgery with a calmer mind. Stay tuned folks, this journey has more twists and turns than a Home and Away episode. STONE THE FLAMIN CROWS!

7th March - Time to say Ta Ta to the Ta Ta's

Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words, so I guess I don't have to tell you how today went. I went in quietly confident we'd be just having a bit more of the tumour area removed and the lymph glands removed. However, we finally got to have that talk we wanted with my surgeon. We finally had explained what it is we are actually dealing with, and there's only one way to deal with this bastard, and that's chop them off. And FINALLY, it was MY decision. I took control. So, I'll back pedal a bit and explain how we came to the decision to say ta ta to my ta ta's. It appears, that I am just THAT freakin special to have a rare form of lobular (?) breast cancer. This cancer can and will turn up in other areas of the breast. So we could take some more from where it was, and nek minut, it will be somewhere else. Its also VERY aggressive, which is why its already made its way to the lymph glands. So the smartest and safest thing to do is to remove the breast. Now anyone who knows me, knows I'm a worry wart and while we were discussing the already diseased breast, my over worked, over tired and over thinking brain is yelling "What about the other breast" So the ever patient doctor went through all the risks, and I made the decision then and there to ask for a double mastectomy. I know people have said to me from word go, "its only just boobs" and I cant explain properly enough, my initial reaction to protect my girls and try and go a more conservative path, but it hasn't been an easy choice till today, and even then, I lost it again in that consulting room. And I probably would have said the same thing to someone facing these decisions. I am eating those hypothetical words now. Its psychologically a very very difficult process to get to the point to remove my breasts. And to watch my kids reactions, and hear the upset and concern in my family's voices, is tearing me apart. But we will all get there .My family and my friends are a very formidable force en mass. I have one more test to do first thing in the morning. I have had a gland/node swell up over the weekend in my neck. So as a precaution its being biopsied by fine needle tomorrow morning. Wednesday I will go back to work for my last day and surgery is sometime on Thursday. I've been advised not to go back to work till all treatment is finished, so I will be pleased to get a chance to say goodbye to a few patients on Wednesday till later in the year. So where is my silver lining in all this. Well apart from the obvious of removing risks, I wont have to wear a bra for YEARS!!!! (come on ladies, you know how exciting this is) And you D cup and bigger ladies, you all know HOW exciting it will be to wear tops and dresses that don't need those god awful clear plastic bra straps. I am SOOO hitting the op shops as soon as I'm well. Who's coming shopping with me!!!!

3rd March - One Month On!

One month on!!! Gee I'm pleased with how well I'm healing.The top scar is still bloody annoying with a bra rubbing it, so it's still a case of get through the front door and before I greet the husband and dog, I fling the bra off! Would you believe I still have deep bruising coming out. I thought by now that would have resolved, but still it comes. The nerves under my arm are now more comfortable and I finally feel like my old self again. Today I even tidied the house, got two loads of washing done AND managed to get some baking done Woohoo...... So I think this healing is helping me prepare for next Thursday and whatever the next operation brings. I'm planning to do a few things this weekend that I wont be able to do for a while, starting tomorrow with cuddles with both grandbabies, maybe get a swim at the beach in on Saturday, and then spend the morning on Sunday with Miss Lilly while we watch her mummy and daddy compete against each other at the Hervey Bay Active Riders Sports day.... Maybe daddy will let mummy win this time wink emoticonand maybe pigs will fly LOL.

23rd February 2016 - McGrath Foundation Breast Care Nurses Rock!! Colds Suck!!

So, after three hours in the hospital, and cancer clinic, I'm home, snotty and all. My blood pressure is back to more normal (it was 180/87 after last week's disastrous visit. The anesthetist isn't thrilled i have a cold but basically said we need to do this surgery asap so unless it goes to a full blown chest infection he's happy not to put it off. I am at more risk of asthma attack or developing a chest infection during and post surgery even though its just a cold, but the risk is minimal. We then went on to see Megan my McGrath breast care nurse. She was able to tell us so much more about the pathology. They have to look at and treat the cancer as though it's two separate identities. The cancer in the breast isn't the normal common cancer (of course I have to be freaking special) My breast cancer started off in the milk ducts. The margins were clear was around most of the tumour (10mm clearance) and there was only one or two spots where it narrowed. So we are hoping that if those spots were clear, they wouldn't even be considering mastectomy. I know it's only a breast, but after discussing the risks during and after this type of surgery, and the problems that come of this type of surgery, if I can avoid it I would like to do so. (one of the issues is the chance of chronic pain developing post surgery not a fan of living with chronic pain). But at the end of the day, if a mastectomy saves my life, I can deal with that. There is no choice. Have ya'all seen how gorgeous my family is. I have to be around a lot longer yet to another the crap out of them! Anyway, back to my boobs. SO given i have just that little bit of narrow margin, and big boobs, and the fact that my actual surgeon hasn't seen my chart yet, we are keen to discuss all options. But the final decision is up to the doctor Now the sentinel nodes that were removed in the last surgery had large deposits of cancer in them. So that's why all the lymph glands have to be removed and then chemo therapy and possibly radiation to the armpit as well. The amount of cancer cells found in the lymph glands to be removed will determine how much and long chemo I have. Worst case scenario is 24 weeks of chemo therapy. And it will be the type of chemo that makes my hair fall out.
SO the lovely Kellie from elective surgery is taking my file to the surgeon on Thursday to discuss my options with him and hopefully get me in to see him asap (possibly monday morning late.
Rick and I came away today with such a more positive feel, like we are slowly clawing back a little bit of control, and have so much more information.

Have I also mentioned how much I LOVE my McGrath Breast Nurse Megan xxxx 

heart emoticon

21st February 2016 - Eat Pray Love

Well, that was a shocker of a few days. I don't think I felt more vulnerable or have such little control of this journey since the initial phone call to say I was diagnosed with this breast cancer. To recap from my post on Thursday (as I may have rambled a tad, as my brain scrambled for cover a tad - lets face it, it left the building) my visit was not with my surgeon as he was on leave. So these are the facts from the visit. The sentinel nodes which are the first line of defence outside of the breast were all positive for cancer. The tumour itself in the breast was completely excised and while the margin of breast tissue surrounding that tumour was clear of cancer cells, the margin itself was too narrow to clear me of any other cells outside of that area. (Meaning there could be a rogue cell somewhere in the breast tissue.) My cancer is stage 2b Grade 3 (the grade means its in lymph glands the stage means its an aggressive son of a bitch) So the young doctor I saw suggested the following. Complete removal of all lymph glands in the armpit and a mastectomy. So that's when I fell apart. Now, the feeling Rick and I had was this pathology report was not what this doctor was expecting at all. Remember that we had been told all the way through that it was early and it was tiny. I also had asked my surgeon at the very first meeting, if i needed to consider a mastectomy and he said no. He was doing breast conserving surgery, however I might need a little more after the results were back. The doctor we saw on Thursday said he usually reads the pathology before he sees the patient, but he hadn't done so with me, and that he probably should have and should have spoken to his boss. He did go off to try and discuss it further (I assume with someone more superior) but wasn't able to speak with anyone. So we signed the paperwork for the surgery and headed off to pre admission. I signed the paperwork simply because I knew that I still could change my mind and alter the surgery. I just wanted to be in the surgery queue so to speak and not delay treatment. Unfortunately because my brain went into meltdown and all I was focussing on was the word Mastectomy, I couldn't think of questions I should have asked, so I went away distressed and basically shut down. I felt for that young doctor, and I think he came up with the only plan he could offer at the time and I think I needed time to work out what I needed to know. Truthfully, it's taken me till today, to finally get myself together, and start putting questions in order and to focus on what I should have done in the first place and that was not that I was looking at a mastectomy, but this bastard of a disease is now in my lymphatic system and that system circulates right round my body. On Friday I contacted my Breast Care Nurse Megan, and Rick and I are seeing her tomorrow after I finish work. I'll also have time tomorrow to talk to my boss/doctor and discuss questions I have and maybe take some more to a meeting with my surgeon when I meet with him well prior to the surgery date. And thanks to my very much loved friends Donna and David, who came round last night and we sat and talked a lot of things through (and shared laughs and giggles) I finally feel I have some control back and I feel armed and ready to face the coming weeks. The photo above is an old one, but a prime example of how we've always solved the problems of the world. Together! xxxx

18th February 2016 - Surgical Review day ... AKA ... The Results!

Well, didn't see that one coming. I'm two weeks post op and was looking forward to saying how well I was doing, and that I'd been for my surgical check up and it was all good and nodes were clear and they got it all and this is my treatment plan...... WRONG! All nodes came back positive. Margins not wide enough to clear me of a microscopic crappy little cancer cell not hiding somewhere in the breast tissue. Okay I thought, so more surgery. Full axillary clearance.. okay I can deal with that. Not happy Jan but not the end of the world. And a mastectomy... huh???!!! What ???!!!! Okay... I was NOT prepared for that. I thought he'd say, we'll re excise the area, not chop the whole bloody thing off (I'm a size DD and there's plenty to work with) So, that sat me back on my butt a bit and I may have lost my you know what in the office. Problem was, I was speaking to one of the younger intern type doctors and not my main surgeon who's away on holidays till next week. While this young fellow was confident in what he was saying, he also looked about 12. And I shouldn't judge, but I just didn't feel as confident with him as I could have. AND I hadn't researched mastectomies (because I wasn't having one of those) and so I didn't know to ask if it was a partial, a simple, or a radical mastectomy. So my wonderful boss (who is my wonderful Doctor) is going to call him on Monday to discuss the options and whether a more conservative approach can be taken. The first thing that came out of my mouth when he said the mastectomy word was "should it be a double mastectomy to be sure". So obviously my gut feeling is that this may have to be the way to go. He suggested just concentrating on the diseased one and so we left it at that. So my Pollyanna hat is slipping to one side... and I have to give myself a little bit of time to adjust... gather myself and get ready for apparently urgent surgery On March 10th. Look's like my big girl undies need to be pulled up a little higher and my cowgirl boots laced a little tighter.

17th February 2016 - Gotta Love a Good Cabbage

Well, taken a bit of a step back in time... 20 something years in fact. My lovely sexy surgical bra, while comfy pre surgery, seems to be putting pressure on the top incision site where the nodes were removed. When I wear the bra, I get aching up into the armpit and there may be a slight swelling. So I got home, ripped it off, whacked an icepack on (edited to add - my idea and apparently not a good one as I've just found out I shouldn't have cold on that area) and as per doctors ordered, reverted to an old tried and true method for painful breasts when breastfeeding, added a cabbage leaf to the equation. Gotta say on a hot day, it's quite comfy.smile emoticon Tomorrow is surgical review day. Finally we'll know what cancer we're dealing with, and I'm hoping they've had the team review and will be able to tell me exactly the treatment planned. What I'm hoping doesn't happen is that last bit of info will be given at a review with the oncology people. Sigh.... have i mentioned that i don't do waiting well!!  (P.S. These aren't my boobs! ;)  )

11th February 2016 - 1 Week Post Op! **Warning another surgical photo

1 Week Post Op!!! WOOT and today was extra special because the dressings came off!! Extra woot!!!! I have to say, I'm so pleased with the job that was done. I had seen photos of this procedure with the incision done in a horizontal manner. Obviously, no two surgeries are the same. I'm having some irritation between the armpit and the elbow (more towards the armpit) a bit like chaffing. I think its more nerve related and the tendon in the armpit towards the shoulder blade is soreish, but no swelling or engorged feelings to suggest issues with the lymph glands so yay!. Rick and I have decided to go for a drive tomorrow and have a day to ourselves before I get back to work on Monday and start further treatment in the next few weeks. My surgical review is next Thursday (not Wed as I had previously thought). I'm also being a bit naughty today and have just decided to give the surgical bra a rest today and wear an ahh bra (the ladies will know what i mean) and a firm fitting singlet top. My back and shoulder muscles have been so tight from being held in place with the bra, that I had mum give me a bit of a massage with the good old horse liniment and I'll take it easy today to protect the now uncovered wounds. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow's trip. Bet we find a bit of dirt road somewhere to explore

9th February - Catch up with some of the girls!

A very brief impromptu lunch with these gorgeous girls today after my check up at the doctors. Healing well, pretty bruises, still sore (especially the wound closest to my armpit where the bra tends to sit) and getting some tingling in the area. Apparently that's a good thing. Then shopping with Kiah and Miss Lilly for a few essentials and home.... and exhausted. I can't believe the exhaustion. A walk down the drive (okay so it's about 90 metres be even so!) to the mail box and back an I'm stuffed. I think that's the most frustrating at the moment. I want to be back to work next week, so daily walks it will be to get my energy levels back up. I have my review with the surgeon Wednesday next week (18th). Hopefully we'll have the treatment game plan sorted then!!! Bring on next week!

7th February 2016 - Day 3 Post Op

DAY 3 Post Op - Time to get the body healing. So today is good, feeling only a bit sore. I insisted on heading to the markets this morning to get more fresh veg and fruit (our poor garden has copped it with the heat and then the humidity) I want to start hitting the fresh veggie juices to try and help these toxins (albeit necessary toxins) out of my system before the treatment phase starts. I'm no longer peeing blue - that was a laugh out loud moment!, and the poos are fluro green - that can't be good - so time for some liver and kidney support. Thank goodness we have great fresh markets in this area. But I'm a tad stuffed now. I think my expectations of my abilities were a little ahead of the reality. So a slow and quiet day now with the most strenuous job being to wash my hair. I'm having a special visitor this afternoon who will be spending a few days and I'm so looking forward to that. Mr Leo is a friends quarter horse who's paddock is a bit water logged, so I can wander down to the paddock of a morning and give him some apple and have horsey cuddles. Feeling very blessed today 

smile emoticon

5th February 2016. The day of and the day after - warts and all ***Warning - surgical photos

So I promised warts and all.. so here's some pics from yesterdays efforts. Warning - there is a photo of the surgical wounds.








All relaxed and ready to rock and roll into theatre




















Post op....Feeling a bit tired.












So the blue is the dye that shows the doctors where the nodes are. Any node the is blue gets removed. The blue can stain the breast tissue and will take a couple of months to fade. I also pee blue. The scar closest to my armpit is where the nodes were removed. The scar just above the blue is from the tumour excision

5th February 2016 - No Place Like Home

In the words of the immortal Dorothy "There's no place like home". Bit sore and tired so will update you all later. Thankyou to all the messages of support. I haven't had a chance to read them all but will do so after a snooze in my own bed xxx

4th February 2016 - Surgery Day - Updates by Kiah

11.30 am - They have taken mum in for Pre Op. Dad is in keeping mum company. Lilly and I are waiting for dad to come out. Time to cross fingers and toes everybody!!!!!!

20.49 - An ENORMOUS THANK YOU to everyone for sending your love and support to mum today. She has come through the surgery like a champ (had me running down the hall after the tea trolly man!). They took 2 nodes from in the breast and she has a very pretty blue boob. She is now resting up at the hospital and will be home tomorrow. It is wonderful to see how large a support group mum has going through this very emotional process. From all of our family we thank you ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

3rd February 2016 - Tomorrow's the Big Day

FINALLY!!!! Tomorrow is THE day! I am fasting from midnight so I'm hoping that means I am not too far down on the surgery list and am having an awesome sleep around lunchtime while they cut this sucker out!!! So here's the plan. 8am I'm off to the radiology for the blue dye and radioactive something or other that will show up the little tumour (i think) but more importantly, show them the sentinel node. This node will be removed to determine IF the cancer has spread. The word SPREAD is NOT allowed though! Then with a guide wire inserted to help the surgeons find the right spot, I will head over to Hervey Bay Hospital with Rick, Kiah and Lilly to keep me company. (Actually I think they are all looking for a place to get out of this god awful heat!) I am hoping against hope that they will let me home tomorrow night, but as I'm already marked down to be sent off to the ward after, and with slightly elevated BP at the moment, I don't like my chances. Rick's already trying to work out a way to sneak in and stay the night with me god love him. But someone needs to keep Miss K company at home. The lovely Megan, my lovely breast care nurse, will come see me before I'm discharged on Friday morning. These ladies are worth every penny and more! So that's it! I am l not worried about the surgery tomorrow. I have had it explained thoroughly and I know what to expect. What I am anxious about is the outcome. The pathology from the tumour and the node will determine the specific treatment. At the moment, its radiation to start 2 weeks or so after surgery. But that will depend on the type of cancer (hormone related, aggressive, size) and then we'll know if its chemo I need, or if in fact its just a tablet once a day for the rest of my life. So stay tuned folks. Kiah has access to this album and will keep you guys update till I'm allowed back on facebook without the influence of drugs lol. Thank you to all you beautiful people who have sent me the loveliest of messages. I have experienced such kindness and thoughtfulness and been moved to tears many times in the last four weeks since this adventure has started. I am so blessed to have the most amazing people in my life. 


heart emoticon

January 26th - Happy Australia Day

Happy Australia Day! We FINALLY got to put the boat in the water and Rick and I spent a quiet day between MacKenzies Jetty and Kingfisher Resort. Not doing anything special, just wandering the beach, a bit of swimming, lunch and just being together. For whatever reason, be it surgery day getting closer or good old Aussie pride, I was quite emotional today. So just having some time together and connecting back with a place so very important to the two of us, was good for the soul. (not so much the skin seeing I'm now sporting a bright red nose despite the sunscreen and hat. Here's some photos of the day. I played with some pretty filters.)

24th January 2016 - My Treasures

My little treasures. This is my happy place with these two. We had the rare event of having both of them together at the same time yesterday. So safe to say I may have taken one or two photos of our precious grandson and grand daughter. ♡♡♡ Only 1 week and 4 days till surgery day. Woohoo. Can't come soon enough. I'm mentally strong and ready for this. It's a little surreal going to work and doing normal activities and then every now and then someone will ask how I'm doing and I think "Oh right, I have breast cancer". I have no symptoms instead of a bump so it's a tad weird to think there is actually something so wrong with me, but yet I'm exactly the same as the day before I found the lump. Just plain weird.

19th January 2016 - Surgical Bra Anyone?

Hmmmm that's attractive, welcome to my new lovely lingerie post op. Can't complain though as these are generously donated by Berlei along with a 50% off voucher for a second one. Given I am to live in it 24/7 I think I'll need it. I'm a bit excited about the Pilates DVD, I like a good stretch!
smile emoticon I am excited about my pilates dvd for post op exercises. I don't mind a good stretch program!

18th January, 2016 - The Girls Were Out for Good Cause!

I have to share how funny yesterday was. Sunday was our Trail Riding Club's first sign on day and beach ride for horses and riders. I was on Nonna duty while Kiah and Luke had some well deserved fun. A few ladies there knew my news, and as people heard us talking others heard, and more heard so eventually everyone knew. Our club has always been a huge supporter of the Girls Night In PINK fundraisers, and I'm forever banging on about getting your boobs checked, I thought, righto... let's use this as a lesson in detecting a lump in your breast!. So I handed Miss Lilly back to her mum and dad, and spent the morning running around all the ladies there asking "Have you felt my booby yet" It was soooo funny. At first they were a bit hesitant, though some were rather enthusiastic, some were worried about hurting me (there's no pain) and all the while I'm there encouraging to push harder, move up and down. Anyone going past, not know what was going on would have had mind boggling thoughts. It was interesting the number of ladies who couldn't find it easily or thought it was different to what they thought it would feel like. I wish someone would have taken a photo! The one above is from our clubs Girls Night In 2013 bush and beach theme. I hadn't meant for my girls to be so "out and proud" Guess it just goes to show that I am always at the ready for a good cause!

17th January 2016 - Hello, My Name is Conflicted

CRAP. I had a really long post here about being conflicted on choices. Now I have to start again. I think that's the universe's way of "keep it simple Donne" So I shall. I'm conflicted. I'm conflicted that I have always tried to be an advocate for natural therapies. I have prided myself on being educated on my own health issues, and dealing with them in a natural way first, and then call in the big guns second. But I am leaving this to science. For now. I want to concentrate on the surgery, see what we're dealing with and then I want to use science to treat it afterwards and nature to heal what science hurts. My conflict is that I worry that those who live a true natural life, may scoff at my choice. I also feel that the medical experts may scoff at natural support I ask about and suggest. My conflict is that I'm trying to please those whose opinions I respect, and I'm more concerned with that, than my own peace of mind. I had a brilliant chat today with a very wise woman. When I related a story to her (that had nothing to do with this) about a situation that was bothering me that was not my own, her words to me were "And that's your problem because?" And she's right. My old "people pleasing" issues are well and truly at the forefront here. (LOL those closest too me will be chuckling and saying "Donna, they never left") So I need to stick to what I want to do. That will give me peace and the strength to do this.

"You are doomed to make choices. This is life's greatest paradox."
Wayne Dyer