Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Nothing Like a Big Ole Drama Llama


Well, that was a bit of fun. For those of you not in Facebook land, you missed all the drama. Late last week, due to an issue with my chemo port, I was airlifted to the Royal Brisbane to have the problem fixed. So I got to have a flight in the Royal Doctors Flying Service plane (35 mins to Brisbane... thanks can I do that in future?! No roadworks in the air) Had a ride in an ambulance... never done that before, and sat in numerous wheelchairs. Talk about overkill! I think the ambos and the staff got a bit sick of me whinging about not being allowed to walk. I can see I have the makings for being a crotchety old lady in my senior twilight years.

I can't thank the staff at the Royal Brisbane enough for their kindness and compassion. They put up with a few meltdowns of mine, brought me cups of tea (when I wasn't fasting) and generally put up with Rick sneaking in at 7am and staying probably past visiting hours.


The main thing is, I'm back on track and chemo will go ahead tomorrow as planned. And that will put me at half way. YAY!  So I'll put my feet up this afternoon, and get ready for the next few days.


Friday, 20 May 2016

Finding the brave! Well.. just a little brave....


Day 9 after chemo. Yesterday was good. I had energy to bring the bins in (I was knackered and Rick wanted to do it but I told him I need the exercise) I also felt more positive than I had in a long time. 

So feeling a bit more brave, and in accordance with advice from my counsellor to stop over thinking things and worrying about everyone else, I decided to embrace my nude nut and let the neighbours see the new me.


Thanks to mother nature's insistence on keeping the cooler weather today, I have been known to throw a bit of a hissy fit each time I have to go out. I have patterned scarves and patterned tops, but I don't have plain scarves and I can't wear them with patterned tops. The wig doesn't fit as well now that I have no hair (should have shaved it then tried it on), so I have to tighten it to fit and then it starts to be uncomfortable, glasses don't slide underneath it to fit comfortably, and its bloody hot thanks to ... oh yeah..... hot flashes thanks to the chemo. Chemo you can kiss my bald ass as well. I'd finished with these things. But no, you decide to bring them back. F You!    Now where was I?? Oh yeah, going out and making sure my head was covered tends to lead to mini meltdowns and running late. 

I had been concerned about how to tell the little ones next door about my hair... the why's and the questions... I had been concerned of frightening them of tales of medicines that make your hair fall out.  So taking the advice of my lovely counsellor, I decided to let them see it and go from them, knowing that their lovely mum would explain anything that troubled them.  We headed off down the front paddock to turn hoses and sprinklers off, and sure enough the kids spotted us and over they ran to the fence calling for us for our usual afternoon chat about what they did that day. So I took a deep breath, let the breeze waft gently through my..... prickles.... and headed over. Half way there they realised something was amiss. All I could hear was  DONNA YOUR HAIR IS MISSING! They thought it was hilarious. So when I got to the fence (it was a big paddock) they were very excited to tell me about my missing hair. I looked at them, put on my most shocked face and replied "My hair is MISSING???!!!!"  I turned to Rick and said "Did you know my hair was missing!!??" The girls giggled and I laughed and asked them if they wanted to touch it. The youngest did, and thought it was funny, the eldest not so much but still lots of giggles, then they decided it was more important to tell me their news from their day. And that was that. Now I can sit at my dam, watch the fish and turtles and ducks and not worry about scaring the bejeesus out of the kids.

It's a shame as adults, we have to over think, second guess and worry about offending others (yes that's a dig at political correctness) It would be nice if we could just acknowledge an issue, then all get back in the sandpit and play nicely together.

So here is my latest selfie. Me and my nude nut enjoying the late afternoon and our veggie garden. One day, I'll be brave enough to say "stuff it" and just head out without a scarf a hat OR a wig!


Big fish!

These two still need to grow a bit

Squirt the turtle!!!! Crush was hiding







Monday, 9 May 2016

Tick Tock




"How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?" Dr. Seuss

Two more sleeps and it's back to oncology for Round 3 of 8 Chemo treatments. The last treatment has certainly been tough, and I've been struggling with asthma this week. It's being watched closely so hopefully that will resolve soon. My weight has come back a bit as well, so that's keeping everyone happy. 

The 20 days waiting in between treatments, is like a cross between running a marathon and then trying to stop a speeding train. And I'm Superwoman, not Superman! I spend 5 - 6 days wishing for time to pass. Waiting for the initial side effects to lessen. Those days are taken up of meds, trying to eat, trying to drink copious amounts of water to wash away the chemo, temperature taking, sleeping, taking more meds, generally an appointment with at least one Doctor. Then I get to day 5 or 6 and the fog starts to lift, and I start to live and move outside of the four walls and not just go between the bed and the couch. I start to enjoy the days a little more. The middle week is like the time after a bad flu, and you're exhausted, and start to eat a little better, willing the legs to walk a little faster and smile a little more. Then it's the down hill run to day 21 and you start to wish to hold back time. 

Sometimes it feels like I'm sitting still and the world is turning without me and I just sit here and mark time.

But then during these times that I spend waiting or wishing, lovely things happen. This week was Mother's Day, so I got to mark my first "Grandmother's Day" and had lovely cuddles with my favourite babies. 

I also received a lovely surprise, while running a competition on our Facebook Horse page. We asked members to nominate their Mum or Mum type person who has been there for them, doing the hard yards at the horsey shows and all the things that go with having horsey kids. Well after the competition finished, there was a post put on our page for me, by a very lovely lady. This is what she wrote.

"Now for a special message for one of our Admins - Donna Fischer, from a very beautiful Mum herself, Melissa Kattenberg

OUR horsey Mumma... 
This lady doesn't ride much, but has spent so much time around horses supporting others. She commits to things wholeheartedly and never backs down from a fight.
When she sees our horse community in need, she doesn't sit on her hands, she acts - creating this very page and initiating a local trail riding club are a few things you may know about.
What you may not know is that this strong, amazing woman will message me wherever I am in the world to give me strength, courage and confidence when mine is failing.
She is fighting the biggest battle she will ever face at the moment and I'm in her corner.
Donna Fischer is a Superhero Horsey Mum to us all and I'm truly grateful and honoured to call her my friend ♡"


So even though, I have some crappy times, and time seems to be both my enemy and my friend, I can still find some really awesome moments within these times, and I am truly blessed. 



Tuesday, 3 May 2016

The Traditions of the Womenfolk.

I remember one year recently, as we approached Christmas, it was time to get the ladies in the family together to decide who was to bring what on the big day. This is something done by my family for as long as I can remember. We all bring the same things, it doesn't really change that much, but getting together, having a cup of tea, sorting it all out is one of my favourite things. 

Growing up, Christmas was always the same. The families would gather at Burrum Heads and the ladies would get the housework and washing done after breakfast. God knows what the menfolk did. Probably headed out in the boats fishing.  Aunty Al had a wringer washing machine that I thought was AWESOME. I was allowed to feed the socks through. Kids have no fun these days with automatics. Anyway, I remember Mum would remind me later on that Nan would always say, "We'll get our work done and sit down to a good cup of tea." It would be accompanied by the fruit cakes. Always a light one and a dark one. As we've grown up, we all make our own, and each Christmas day, we'd all bring a sample and we'd all praise each other on the quality of the cake offered. The baker's usually would usually suggest, that "It's a dud this year, it's too dry/moist/ nearly a plum duff - aka plum pudding texture- But these suggestions would be swept aside, reassuring the cook of yet another good cake this year.

 A cup of hot tea, (on a bloody hot muggy Christmas day) was always welcomed, Nan believing it cooled you down. I think we sweated that much it naturally cooled us,  I think Nan thought a good cup of tea would fix most things. I remember sitting at her kitchen table in Biggenden and she'd pour my sister and I a cup, tip some in the saucer so it would cool, and and we'd sip ever so lady like (probably more like slurp and slop) and we'd learn to enjoy our cups of tea.

So back to the start of my story, this one particular year, I wanted to make our new daughter in law feel part of the family and asked if she wanted to join in the meeting of the womenfolk and she thought it was lovely, but had never heard the term womenfolk. So clearly, I'm old and old fashioned and probably it was a whopper of an indicator that my family roots are firmly from the country. For example, Mum has an old CWA cook book, I have a newer flash version of the CWA cook book. The only scones I can make that aren't useful for knocking out the neighbour's barking dog, are the CWA premix scone mix. And I'm pretty sure that my aunt was a baking judge for the local show. Let's face it, we're country and we like to cook.

We all have recipes that are treasured and have been handed down. A recipe that my daughter was given just recently, had the title "Grandy's Anzac Biscuits" and she loved how she knew which grandmother it came from. 

I remember as a girl learning to cook, I loved looking through my mums recipe book. It was started with a proper ink pen. Beautifully handwritten from her days in school. Over the years it was added to, stained and pages worn. But it was my favourite cookbook to look at. I started my own when I was first married. It has Aunty Al's wedding fruit cake recipe, Mrs Fanning's Light Fruit Cake, Judy's Trifle, Mums Anzac Biscuits, and so on. Quantities and measurements are either in cups, tablespoons, mls, grams pounds and ounces. Over the years it too has become very stained, (so much so that I probably am guessing the quantities - which could explain why my last two zucchini slices taste like it needed another 20 mins in the oven). Both my kids have left home and both have taken various recipes. What surprised me when I decided to start my book again due to the age and tattiness of the old one, was my daughters reaction and request to not throw the old one out. It seems that like my mum's old recipe book, mine holds a similar fondness for her. 

So today when I was poking around in some of my Mum's recipes, this whole love of our "womenfolk" family traditions, was brought full circle in my delight in finding a recipe in my late Nana's handwriting, one in my Aunt's handwriting (duly entitled Date Loaf Aunty Myrt) and one in my Mum's handwriting. I immediately was surrounded by the strength and love of the women of my family. They've all lived their lives through trials and tribulations, we've lived apart and together. The thread that holds us together, is the love in these handwritten recipes, and our funny, old fashioned traditions. I look forward to the next generations recipe books. I hope they keep the handwritten ones going. 





Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Quicky update.

This morning, while waiting on the phone with centrelink for over two hours, I started to update the blog and let you know how I was fairing. This time round hasn't been easy, the emotional side has gotten to me and I have found myself in unfamiliar territory with no smile, but I am getting to the other side. I am not bouncing back as I'd like. I'm still very exhausted, very disoriented due to the weird buzzing feeling in my head, and I've lost all the weight again plus a little more. However, I will put one foot in front of the other, and I will as always, try to put my best foot forward.

But after my two hours on the phone with centrelink, to find out what has been happening with my claim lodged mid March and explaining the difficulties we were facing after trying to go it alone, and them promising to fast track my claim, I am still waiting to be assessed, and I'm in no mood to finish the writing I started. I'm done and I am beyond exhausted. Thankfully we have the support of our families through this bit. But it seems that because we have worked all our lives, we've been self employed, and did the worst thing possible by having a small family trust in place, we have made it very difficult to have my claim assessed. It seems that paying our taxes, being good people, and trying to do things for ourselves and the community, is not that way to go. And despite being told by various people in the government departments I've spoken with that the claim is being finalised twice now, it is not. The family trust has been assessed, now I have to wait for the assessment team to finalise the actual claim.
Well, I've technically done most of these!

So it seems that the way to get help in Australia now, is to be unemployed, to do nothing to better yourself, to certainly not try and support your family and your community and god forbid you try to earn a living along the way. Then when life goes in a different direction, and times get tough and you tighten your belt, try to live without what other people would consider necessities such as insurances, so that you can keep on trying to work, it's all for nought. While the people I have spoken to on the phone have been kind and have tried, it seems the protocols they must follow do not recognise those who have put in the hard yards in life. I actually feel for those people who work on the phones for centrelink. It has to be a thankless job. But I fear for the future of a country who rewards those who won't help themselves, and discriminates against those who actually give a flying f&@K.

As you can therefore imagine, I'm not in the best frame of mind to be writing flippant and funny comments. We are being looked after by our family and we'll get there. I may have lost my smile, but it will be back. However, my inner bitch has made a big return.

But I can't leave this update, without some smart comment on today :)

QUICK EDIT - got a phone call to say this afternoon the claim is all finalised and approved. Thank god.... my smile is coming back :)

Just when you think it can't get any worse... Along comes someone to prove you wrong...:


Thursday, 21 April 2016

Going Going GONE!

When you have to start using one of these to get rid of the hairs off the pillow and sheets, the lounge, and any where else you've sat..... well it starts to get bloody annoying. I was constantly feeling like I'd walked out of the hairdressers with a prickly neck, and then the chemo nurse yesterday couldn't believe how much hair I dropped just sitting in the chair after three or so hours. THEN the look on the ladies faces at the wig library this morning after trying on 4 different wigs and leaving hair absolutely everywhere... well it was obvious that it was time. I came home, took off the scarf and all I could see was dead lifeless hair and a couple of sneaky thinning spots. So, It was time to face the reality that my hair no longer looked healthy, was more annoying than a cat shedding and it just needed to go!

Rick decided he wanted to do the job for me.... and while he started off fine, he did seem to be enjoying himself way too much. So I found a job for him that needed doing outside, and Kiah took over to finish it off. I was somewhat pleased (as much as one can be when trying to do a GI Jane impersonation) that I have a reasonable shaped scalp. But I do have a cold scalp now, so its beanies at night, scarves and hats and wigs during the day. Rick keeps grinning at me and telling me how beautiful I am (bless his little cotton socks. I'm having my revenge tomorrow as he seriously needs a haircut and is refusing to use a hairdresser) Michael tells me I look like I have a koala's butt (we told him that's what his hair looked like ever since he was a little kid) And Kiah is just loving the shape of my head. So everyone's pretty happy... I'll get there, but will be content with hats, scarves, beanies and wigs in the meantime.

So here's how it all went down.... so to speak.


My new fashion accessory, Wiggy the wig.





Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Twas the night before chemo and all through the house,
My hair was dropping everywhere, falling quietly as a mouse.

But big "SO THERE" to Mr Oncologist who said I'd only have 10% by today... I still have about half. Thank god for thick thick hair. Here's my trick. Don't brush it, don't comb it, be gently when playing with scarves and beanies... and for the love of god DON'T SHAMPOO IT!  Did that on Monday, and well lets just say it was coming out faster than last week's favourite at Randwick.

We saw my oncologist last Friday who was happy with my progress and was confident that the swelling in the my neck has reduced to virtually nothing. I check in with him again in a month.

Tomorrow is chemo day. That's come around quick. I am not as anxious as I thought I would be. Probably because I feel better prepared and will know what to expect this time. I've got some extra meds to help out, and given that chemo is in the afternoon, I'm hoping I'll sleep through the worst part of the first day. Then, all going well, I have an appointment with the wig library on Thursday. Thinking I'll stick with brunette. While the blonde looked nice.. it's just not me.

So like the dandelion, I think I'm prepared for when my hair finally goes "poof" in a good breeze. People have said just clipper it off, and I have to admit that having hair literally falling, and walking around feeling like I've just had my hair cut and the hairdresser has forgotten to brush off the ends, I am going to be a long time without my hair. It's the last part of feeling normal. So despite leaving my winter coat all over the house, the bath towels and the pillows... I'll just hang on to that last little bit of the old me thanks. For now, anyway :)