Nearly There!!! Chemo Tomorrow and Slight Dummy Spit

So this is my grand daughter Lilly. She had a bit of a dummy spit this past week as things didn't go quite the way she wanted. I sympathise Miss Lilly as I had a bit of a dummy spit myself this week.

You see, this current chemo drug is fairly shitting me to tears as I have lost my taste buds. I have this metal/acidic taste in my mouth 24/7. And while I can smell a delicious cup of coffee, or a lovely dinner cooking, I take the first bite or sip and think, that's not too bad and then WHAMMY... aftertaste and it all goes down hill from there. I may as well eat cardboard. It would be much more pleasant.  I see all these gorgeous meals on facebook and think... well that would be lovely, if it didn't taste like a big ole pile of poo to me. So I wade through the weeks, trying this food, and rejecting it. I pour a cup of tea, make it strong and sweet, and through half away (and that's on a good day) I chuck it out. Some days it's chicken with cheese and sweet chilli sauce toasted in a wrap, for lunch and dinner, because I just can't stomach anything else.  So much for healing my body during this process with good whole and real foods... pffft... most days I spend an hour feeling peckish... thinking what the hell do I even want..... and just giving up. I can taste every chemical in food especially if it's been sweetened with artificial sweetener (which I've never really liked in the first place)

I know, its third world problems... but I love food (which explains why I've done Weight Watchers, the cabbage soup diet, that french diet, the Tony Ferguson shake diet and on the odd occasion have been known to join a gym - a rare sight. There's more chance of spotting a unicorn frolicking down the main street.

What I did find last time and this time, is that by some miracle, the tastebuds return for one day. ONE WHOLE FREAKING DAY... almost. I can drink water, I can taste most of an evening meal, I can enjoy nearly a whole cup of tea!!!!!   and then....... I start the steroids for chemo the next day.... and bang, the side effect of those tablets... is a horrible taste in the mouth.  Sigh........ Back to square one.

So I've looked at the calender and I've checked the dates... and September 12th, should be a good day..... the tastebuds should start to fire up again, and hopefully thanks to no further chemo and steroids I'm hoping they'll improve. It would be nice to go out and have a cup of coffee that I can enjoy. And a big hamburger. Oh that would be lovely. I can foresee a bit of an issue here.. I may have to join that gym again! Luckily, I am losing a little bit of weight each round!

On that note, I have the hospital physio coming to see me during my chemo tomorrow. On a more serious side, I've really struggled this round. Walking to the veggie garden or the letter box has left me feeling quite wrecked and weakened. I've been trying my best, walking regularly around the 5 acres, but where once I'd fairly sprint around and leave Rick in my wake (which is a bit mean given he needs two knew knees) I'm finding I'm asking him to slow up and wait, and needing a little rest when walking from front paddock to back. So this lovely lady is coming tomorrow to talk about a program that will start when I'm nearly done with my radiation therapy, to see if I can join the and help me gain some level of fitness again.

I've also struggled with queasiness that's ever present. I've blamed the taste bud saga, but I do wonder if it's actually stemming from my gut health (given that it's being shot to pieces with each chemo treatment) I'm a strong believer that our gut health is the basis of our general health, So I'm working on helping that along the best I can.

My poor red hands.

My hands and nails have given me more trouble this time. I had one lovely lady who sympathised, hit the nail on the head when she said it feels like your hands/nails have been caught in a door. The pain in my hands make it difficult to use them. The pain in the nails even makes it hard to type, scratch, and generally most task that involve finger tips (and that even cutting them short!)  and if i accidently bang them on something... OUCH.  I can't even start peeling a mandarin. Then there's this weird redness that hits about day ten. Just on the peripheral on the outside of the palm and up the edge of the little finger. It reacts in hot water like a burn does. This time its much worse. I didn't take vitamin B this round as I'd run out, so I'm off to get some more tomorrow to hopefully see an improvement.


Anyway, I could spend another half hour whinging about the watery eyes, blurred vision, dry skin, and puffy bags under the eyes... but that's enough whinging for one night. I don't have peripheral neuropathy, I don't have the skin on my feet peeling off nor do I have the horrible pain in my feet many have. I don't have to face the prospect of a mastectomy that many go through all this and still have to face. I may not have my eyebrows or lashes anymore, but I do have fuzz growing back on my head, despite my oncologist saying it's not possible. I do enjoy proving him wrong!

I guess my biggest dummy spit is how bloody useless I feel. Thank god for a loving and patient husband who gets things done around the house and family that is so supportive and understanding, and friends who are just bloody amazing. So next time Miss Lilly has a dummy spit, I might just sit on the floor with her and join in.