Beating Cancer with Well Wishes Alone!!

Well tomorrow is a big day. Treatment number 5 of 8! New chemo drug.. supposedly no nausea, but fatigue will be a big fat issue (because it wasn't before???? - insert sarcastic note to that statement), muscle pain, (hopefully not too bad) and again issues at the loo....sigh.....  There are some other issues that can occur, so to protect my nails I've had to paint them with a strengthener and then put black nail polish over the back.... So along with taking the hair off my head, I could lose the nails on my hands and feet... gee thanks for that. Another lovely issue I have to watch for is peripheral neuropathy in the hands and feet. So to sum up, I'm a nude nut, with gothic tendencies (black nail polish) that possibly will drop things and trip over things..... Lovely. But looking for the plus, I only have 9 weeks left!!! Thank f*&k for that.

I've found this last round so taxing. I think Mum picked it when she said to me the other day, that I changed after the dash to Brisbane to fix the port in my chest. I've been quieter, more depressed, more anxious and more reluctant to go out to the world. This time, my anxiety around the next chemo kicked in sooner. So the tears were at the forefront more. I've tried to prepare for this next round, by pushing the last 4 treatments and their awful side effects, to the back of my mind, and given we have a new drug tomorrow, treat this one as though its my first treatment.

I have an appointment with my original surgeon on Monday. I'm hoping it's just to check on me and not to discuss any further surgery. The oncologist doesn't believe surgery is in my future. So I guess we'll see what he says.

So while this has been a sucky sucky round, I've tried hard to focus on the positives in my life and remind myself how lucky I am. Yes this situation sucks, but during this process I've had a lot of lucky moments. Finding the lump early, being in the hands of a very good boss/doctor, a caring surgeon and oncologist (and even having a professor as part of my care team) finding the lump in my neck before being carted off to surgery which would have delayed the chemo treatment and allowed this bad boy to spread further. And the biggest lucky part is that this is just a big ole bump in the road. When people say to me, how awful this is, and unfair that it is, they are correct. It's shit. There's no denying that. But then I see people who have an illness that they will endure for the rest of their lives, or families for whatever reason, are no longer together for the rest of their lives, or parents who have endured the loss of a child.... that is forever. My situation is only for now. And to remind me further how lucky I am, I have a drawer that has a gazzillion cards from family and friends, I've received beautiful flowers and gifts from the loveliest people (some I have not even met in person!), and last week I received two pages of well wishes from patients at work, wishing me well and sending their love and support.

This reminds me, that I am very, very lucky.